Matt Ryan is currently planning to release a few commercials set to air on local Atlanta TV stations with hopes to prove he is the face of the Falcons and get more love from the Falcons fanbase. We have acquired the transcript from only commercial shot.
Scenic shot from the Atlanta Skyline to Mojave Desert to the Amazon Rain Forrest to the Georgia Dome.
*Announcer Voice Over Speaking*
Looking for someone who is dependable? Matt Ryan is your man. (Ryan shows up with a moving truck)
Need someone to come through for you in the clutch? Matt Ryan is your man. (Ryan pops up bedside with condoms)
Need someone that’s honest? Matt Ryan is your man. (Ryan shaking his head no to a woman trying on a dress)
Ever just wanted a friend that can throw 60 yard spirals through tire swings? Matt Ryan is you man. (Matt high fiving after he throws a 60 yard pass through a tire swing)
Matt Ryan is here for you Atlanta!
Mayor Kasim Reed: “He may not say much, but his stats speak for themselves”
Reed: “… can I get my check now”
(Matt Ryan faintly in the background)
After you read it right, from the top!
*Reed shakes head in disgust*
Announcer: Contrary to popular belief, Matt Ryan loves everybody!
*Cut to Rev. Al Sharpton Combing his hair*
Rev. Sharpton:” Matt Ryan? Oh he has plenty of black friends! I’ve seen him with dozensssss of black people!… Name two?… uhhhh..”
*Quickly cuts to Ryan raising the American Flag*
Announcer: Unlike some people, Matt Ryan loves all God’s creations…
*Matt Ryan dead panning into the screen, petting a pit-bull and a shiatsu simultaneously*
*Fade to dark room, Silhouette appears to be sitting on a stool in thinking man pose *
*Words appear on screen as announcer says them*
Announcer: Dependable? Check. Caring? Check. Awesome at Football? Check.
*light increases by the second*
Annoucer: Looking for a new BFF, Matt Ryan is your man!
*Matt Stands from stool agitated*
Why don’t you people like me! I threw for 4,500 yards last year! I’m a good QB! Do you people not remember what happened right before me?! Kurt Kitner! Joey Harrington! Byron Leftwich! Love me like you loved Mike ! Love ME like you loved MIKE, LOVE MEEEE!!
*Ryan begins to weep*
Announcer *really fast*: All invites to fantasy leagues, baby showers, Vegas, Bachelor parties, Bar-B-Ques and Facebook friend request will be denied. Send all hate mail to email@example.com.
This ad was paid for by Matt Ryan.
Rev. Al Sharpton: Wait, did that mother F!&#%r just say “You People”….