Fresh Take Sports 2014 NFL Preview: Jacksonville Jaguars

Time for a moment of honesty, who really thinks that the Jags will be anything other than the bottom dwelling, morbidly terrible automatic W on the other teams schedule that they’ve been for the past… well, decade. Nobody?

What about you Wtf Jags fan?

Well, that settles it. This preview will be very concise.

Jags sucks.


Blaine Gabbert is gone.

happy jag

Jags still suck.

Blake Bortles would have been good if he were drafted by any other team except Jax and Oak. These places are where dreams go to die.

Hell, Bortles would have been better off if he had grown cornrows and been drafted by the San Antonio Spurs…. God I wish I knew how to use Photoshop.

Was that mean? Ok, ok I’ll give Jags a real preview but I’ll cut the drama, much like the Jags do after the first quarter of the season and tell you now that the Jags aren’t going to make the playoffs.

Spoiler Alert!
Spoiler Alert!

Off- Season Additions:

The Jags were very active in free agency this off season over paying for a back up running back (Toby Gehart), getting a DT that’s way past his prime (Red Bryant) and nabbing a fairly consistent but one dimensional rush end (Chris Clemons). They attempted to bolster their O-line by ridiculously over-paying for the services of Alex Mack the Browns all- pro center, but the Browns matched the poison pill offer to retain their RFA.

Fortunately for the Jags white RBS have a history of recent success in the NFL
Fortunately for the Jags white RBs have a history of recent success in the NFL

Key Draft Picks:

We have to start with Bortles. He is the straw that stirs the drink of fate for the next decade of Jax football, his development is key if he pans out and is the next Big Ben (stretch) or Daunte Culpepper (more likely) then the fans of the Jags will be sipping sweet sweet Kool-aid, unlike the last few years in which Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne took turns pissing into warm beer and serving it to the fans

To help Bortles along his journey the Jags selected soon to be under-rated Marquise Lee WR from USC  and Allan Robinson WR from Penn State. They both have a steep learning curve to get acclimated to the pro game but they both have the skills to “pay the bills”, or at least play the Bills.

Player Spotlight:

Dude, My name is AWE... (wait for it) SOME!!!
Dude, My name is AWE… (wait for it) SOME!!!

The Player Spotlight is on Paul Posluszny a very consistent and dependable inside linebacker for Jax who has been a steady force for Jax the last three season racking up 130+ tackles in season. A graduate of Linebacker U, Posluszny isn’t flashy but he is a rugged football playing machine… oh and if you didn’t think I was going to poke fun at Paul for having such an awesome name, then shame on you! You don’t know Glass!!!

Here’s a list of Career’s that come to mind when you hear the name Paul Posluszny:

Plumber wearing low-rider jeans

NYC Fireman

NYC Police Chief

NYC Mayor

Anybody from NYC

Russian Hitman

Whatever it is that this guy does for a living


Body builder

Sylvester Stallone stunt-double

Voted most likely to punch you in the face in High School



Fantasy Impact players:


Ace Sande… hahahha

Cecil Short… hahahah

Toby Ge… hahahahhah

Mercedes Le…..



Moving on.

What else can I say the Jags don’t have much hope for this season. Its not because they play some gauntlet of a schedule its just they don’t have the talent right now to compete. The players they are depending on to carry them into the future aren’t ready yet and the vets on the roster are mostly just stop gaps until they draft and add more talented players. The real thing to look at this season for the Jags wont by their wins (few) and losses (many) but to really pay attention to the development of the key players. A year from now we should be gushing how much improvement the alliterative Blake Bortles showed from week 1 to 17, and how LT Luke Joeckel really came into his own and how receivers Lee and Robinson are really coming into their own. In todays NFL landscape it doesn’t take much for a vast turnaround, but it takes more than what the Jaguars are putting on the field this season.

Prediction 2-14 (with some surprisingly close games toward the end) -Glass

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